i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
