What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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