But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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