i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Pants are for mortals
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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