I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Randomize
