i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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