all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
