the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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