the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
