saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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