i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I would fuck him just for his dog
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
