you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
