i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
