Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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