I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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