you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
