Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
