Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
how drunk are you?
Several
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
