I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
