But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
