the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
