we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
