i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Randomize
