I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
