I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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