Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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