were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
