Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
