he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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