I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
