I think im going to throw up on grandma
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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