i don't like sucking hair
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My vagina is officially offended.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
