Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
