His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
