so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
