Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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