Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
time to smoke my breakfast
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We need to get me chipped asap
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
