I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
