"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Randomize
