I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
