Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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