so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
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