My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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