Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I'm really busy with my period
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