I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
