I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So vagazzling was a success
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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