I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
