she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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