I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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