Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
