im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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