Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
